Germs, Quirks, and other forms of freakiness you need to know to become a super genius.
A super genius is seldom thought of for his great mind due to his overall normal appearance of a retard. Nevertheless, I will start with germs. Germs are everywhere. May 9th, 2013, was the day I began my handwashing routine. I had almost finished getting the trash, and was putting the leftover pizza away, without washing my hands. I was very nearly thrown into a vat of soap. And so ever since, I have continually been washing my hands. Trim is considered the cleanest thing in the house, and hands are occasionally wiped on it. Next, quirks. Quirks are something that has almost validated Mom and Dad's theory of me coming from another planet. I am afraid that my computer hard drive does not have room for the perpetual list of my quirks, one of which is currently germs.
But my personal quirks have included waving my hands, stuttering, repeating myself under my breath, never-ending thanks-for-telling-mes, maybe, maybe not, ... Another form of freakiness is the jerk, (used to avoid germs on the wing) and is occasionally used with the twitch.

The horrible experience of Gettysburg, etc.

A lot has happened since the last time that the Horne Gazette has published a post. The Hornes were able to make a trip up to Pennsylvania to spend some time with Grandma and Grandpa Horne. The boys caught a lot of fish. One day while we were there, Joe and Sam were on a rocky area of the creek (or the crick as they say up there) and were trying to catch some salamanders and crayfish. A salamander happened to wiggle under a rock that also gave shelter to a rather aggressive water snake. When Sam saw the snake, he went absolutely nuts. He started stomping all over it. Meanwhile, Joe was telling him to get it with a gun or something. Sam turned around and eyed his loaded gun. Finally he grabs it and starts pumping BBs into the snake's head. He killed it. On their Pennsylvania trip, the Hornes stopped at Gettysburg and went to a wax museum and different historic places. This atrocity happened on the way up to Pennsylvania and Joe was dying to just get to Grandma and Grandpa's house. When they finally made it there, it was not long before Joe and Sam were fishing in the creek. One night as Grandpa, Joe, and Sam were loaded up in the truck to go spotlighting on the hill, they spotted a family of skunks in front of the truck's headlights up on the hill. The mom went into the woods while the babies rolled around and played in the grass. Then the mom came back, and they all went off into the woods. On the way home, while passing through Virginia, (aka the eastern Kansas) Joe ended up writing on a piece of paper: Virginia Stinks! The sign, (held up to the window) captured the attention of more than one passerby. The Hornes made it home and have been going about their lives. One night, after a couple episodes of The Rifleman, Sam lunged for his brother and they soon ended up rolling around on the floor. Sam took Joe's head and slammed it down onto a dish that had some remaining cheese dip on it. The incident resulted in a whipping for Sam and a shower for Joe. Mom has been painting down in the stairwell that leads down to the basement. She is done now, and the stairwell looks very good. Dad was unable to attend most of the Family Camp due to his having to go to a meeting with his committee. They had a decently good camp. Sam and Joe were in different cabins this year with different counsellers. Joe's cabin had only four people in it including the cabin leader. Glenn Hendricks was the cabin leader for Joe's cabin. His nickname is "the bean" and a lot of church people call him "Bean" or "Brother Bean" Our cabin would sometimes call him "Papabean" He showed our cabin a couple of 9 millimeter pistols inside the Beanmobile. I received a blessing from our camp. Well, it's 9:17 and we need to leave at 5:15 tomorrow morning to go to the last one or two sessions of the Tennessee State Convention so I had better stop writing.

Many strange and memorable things have been going on in the Horne Household the past couple of weeks. There was a Youth Convention and the Hornes were quick to fill their house with people who stayed the night. Joe's room was taken and Sam's room was taken. Katie slept in her room with two other people. Joe and Sam slept under Mom and Dad's bed. They had a good convention. May 9th will always be remembered in the Horne's House. For that was the day in which a horrible crime was committed. The offender is believed to be Joe Horne. Joe wanted for Mom to move the vehicles so that he could blow some stuff out of the carport. Mom moved the vehicles and offered to let Joe pull them up. The car was parked perfectly but the van ended up crashing into the brand new deck. Dad took it rather well but has made it a priority to mention the crash in every sentence he makes. But on the brighter side of things, Joe Horne finished school on the 17th of May thanks to a rather naggy grandmother although Joe is rather glad he listened to the sage advice that was given him.

The Horne Gazette

The campaign against Katie's uncovered feet was pushed hard a few days ago. A long discussion concerning wether Katie's bare feet should be allowed to roam the house took place. A decision was not yet reached but until one is, Katie's feet are finally confined to their rightful place, inside of socks or slippers. Today Joe was rushing to get his school done so that himself, Dad, and Sam could go trout fishing. They had a great time although they did not catch anything. When they got home, Joe discovered that chocolate chip cookies were made during their absence. Joe quickly disposed of 4 cookies and complimented the cook. The End

The Horne Gazette

A lot has been going on with the Hornes the past couple of weeks. Last Sunday, they went to the Goodwater church to fill in for the pastor and his wife. Sam was quick to bloody the nose of one of the kids there. They were there Sunday morning and Sunday night. Brother Brandon and Sister Kimmi Keel had been staying with the Hornes for a couple of nights. Most of you know that the Hornes live next to a golf course with a big chain link fence separating the Horne's land from the golf course. Brother Brandon had his car parked outside and a golf ball came flying from the golf course and cracked his windshield. Katie and Mom and Brother Brandon and Sister Kimmi went to the youth lock-in and came back home early the next morning. While they were in their lazy state of slumber, Dad and Joe and Sam went to 12 garage sales. The reporter is sorry to say that the other day, the Hornes spent hours at thrift stores where they were horribly imprisoned until Mom and Dad decided it was time to leave. And then it was off to another thrift store. They finally got home that night and to top it all off, the reporter had to gather the trash from the House. Joe's school for today was not quite as enslaving and unspeakably impossible as usual, and he had some free time. Dad and Katie left to go to the hospital to visit a church member and Mom and Sam and Joe stayed behind. They had Frito Pie for dinner. Sam stabbed his brother in the face with a pen and the tiny wound brought forth much blood and unfortunately some on the carpet. Sam otherwise known as "the little favorite" has commited numerous crimes although many go unpunished. The End.

THE HORNE GAZETTE

This weekend the Hornes went up to Tennessee to the Smith's House. They left on Friday and the kids were glad to have a day off from the horribly enslaving thing that is commonly called "school". They got to the Smith's house that night. The reporter had the entire day reserved for fishing only but was forced to work in the garden, pulling weeds and griping all the while. The reporter is sorry to say that most of the food served was slightly edible and did not impress the reporter. Some of these "foods" include: Sour cobbler, scorched carrots, and burned hot rolls. The reporter and his brother were also expected to sleep in a bed with dirty sheets. But all of that aside, the little time that the reporter had to fish was greatly enjoyed, although he did not catch any fish. Joe is very pleased that he caught and killed a snake while he was up in Tennessee. The Hornes left Sunday morning and visited an Alabama church on the way down to their house. Joe brought in some luggage and is sorry to say he was not tipped. THE END    P.S. I love my grandparents and I'm just giving Grandma a hard time although the food left much to be desired. (Except for the deer steaks and stew).  Joe Horne Author of the Horne Gazette.

THE HORNE GAZETTE

The Hornes have had a lot going on the past couple of weeks. The reporter is sorry to say that he is not done with school and Monday through Friday is horribly enslaved working and studying for hours a day. There has also been much excitement lately including the event of Sam bringing a baby cottonmouth snake into the house in his hat. The boy's guns were taken away after a tiny hole was discovered in a brand new window. The reporter was much relieved that the guns were taken away instead of dropping $300 to replace the window. There were strong winds today in Alabama and the power went out for a while. The Hornes did survive although there were tornado watches in many parts of Alabama. Mom spends much time helping her kids with school and is continually doing laundry. There have been numerous crimes although some go unpunished. Joe Horne was trying to justify spilling soda on his sister's shirt and was sentenced to a whipping. He is sorry to say that he was not pardoned. THE END